Episode 5
ADHD Medication and Me: The good, the bad & the unexpected
In January, I commenced ADHD medication and now 11 months later, I'm sharing my experience of how it has impacted my productivity and mood. While my experience has been mostly positive, there are some negative effects that I wasn't expecting and even now, I'm still figuring out the right balance for me.
In this episode, I'm sharing as honestly as possible what I was struggling with before, how the medication has improved things and the reality that it isn't a cure-all. If anyone is considering seeking a diagnosis and not sure whether they want to take medication for ADHD symptoms, I hope sharing my experience is helpful.
**This is my personal experience. I am not a medical professional and when it comes to medication, every person's experience will be different. You should talk to your health care provider about what the treatment options are and what you might expect.
Takeaways:
- The diagnosis of ADHD can be a turning point and a catalyst for healing your relationship with yourself, giving you a better understanding of your past experiences
- Medication for ADHD can enhance focus and productivity, but there are some things it doesn't improve such as ability to prioritise
- It's essential to prioritise self-care such as eating regularly, getting sufficient sleep and taking breaks
- Personal experiences with ADHD medication reveal both benefits and challenges in daily life.
Service providers and solopreneurs struggling with self-doubt
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Transcript
Foreign this is Crappy to Happy and I am your host, Cass Dunn.
Speaker A:I'm a clinical and coaching psychologist and mindfulness meditation teacher and of course, author of the Crappy to Happy books.
Speaker A:In this show I bring you conversations with interesting, inspiring, intelligent people who are experts in their field and who have something of value to share that will help you feel less crappy and more happy.
Speaker A:Foreign hello.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Crappy to Happy.
Speaker A:Before I jump in, I am doing some market research, so listen up if you think that this could be you because I might want to talk to you and get your insights.
Speaker A:I'm currently doing some research into how imposter syndrome, which obviously is my favorite topic, how imposter syndrome shows up for entrepreneurs.
Speaker A:But even if you don't relate to that word, which some people don't, if you're a service provider or a solo practitioner, if you are self employed, basically you're in your own business and, and your business is you, it's reliant on your skills.
Speaker A:So you could be a coach or you could be a therapist or you know, health coach or nutritionist or something like that.
Speaker A:You could be a graphic designer.
Speaker A:You could be just somebody who uses your own skills and expertise to run your business, physiotherapist, OT, etc.
Speaker A:If you are that and you really struggle with self doubt and imposter syndrome and you know that this affects how successful you are in your business.
Speaker A:Now, how that often shows up, how that looks, I want to hear from you, but in my experience, how that often shows up is procrastination and perfectionism and that whole loop.
Speaker A:Feeling overwhelmed all the time because you're doing too many things, because you feel like that's what you need to do to be successful.
Speaker A:Struggling to make decisions because you don't trust yourself.
Speaker A:You trust your own instincts.
Speaker A:So you are reacting all the time to opportunities that come in instead of directing from you and using your agency and your own priorities and preferences to determine how you run your business.
Speaker A:Struggling to raise your fees, discounting over delivering, so doing way more than what you charged for offering extras, having very fluid boundaries, inability to set boundaries in terms of the scope of your work.
Speaker A:And so you're constantly taking on extra things and therefore you feel stressed and resentful and burnt out.
Speaker A:You're in your head all the time thinking about what you should be doing differently or criticizing for yourself for what you haven't done, you haven't done particularly well.
Speaker A:You might feel a sense of shame around your business, around your, what you're earning and how much you're working because it looks successful on the outside.
Speaker A:But if people really knew the hours that you're working or what you were actually earning after all the expenses, et cetera, then maybe it doesn't look so great.
Speaker A:So I think that this is the group of people who really, really needs some help to grow that inner confidence, which is what I specialize in.
Speaker A:But like I said, I'm not here to sell you anything.
Speaker A:I'm just looking to talk to people who resonate with that to find out what your experience is so that I can use it to help me create content or develop my own program so that it more effectively meets your needs.
Speaker A:If that is you like, what you would be, what you experience, how it affects you, and what would be your ideal solution.
Speaker A:If you can help me out with that, if you've got a lot to say on that topic, then I'm going to put a link in the show notes to a page where you can book a call with me and we're going to get on a zoom call and we are going to have a chit chat and you can tell me all about it and I'm going to take a lot of notes and I'm going to use that because I don't want to just go on my own assumption.
Speaker A:I want to hear directly from people who experience this.
Speaker A:So that's that.
Speaker A:So sorry to bang on about that for five minutes, but if you know somebody who might relate to that, then send them this, send the link, get them to hop on a call with me.
Speaker A:So we're coming to the end of October, would you believe?
Speaker A:And in the Beyond Happy subscription podcast last week I was talking about the idea that it is the last quarter and I'm not a person who typically thinks in quarters, but coming to this time of year, we tend to start thinking about reviewing the year that's been, what we've done well, what progress we've made, what we haven't done well, etc.
Speaker A:And considering what we might like to look differently next year.
Speaker A:Now that's a whole episode in the in the subscription podcast.
Speaker A:I'm not going to repeat myself here, but what I want to talk about is that in my reviewing of the year that is gone, the big change that happened for me in January was I started well in December I was diagnosed with ADHD and combined so inattentive and hyperactive.
Speaker A:And in January I started on medication and I spoke about that on the podcast at the time and I spoke about wanting to do things differently this year with that diagnosis and with the medication and having a sense of optimism about how that might look differently.
Speaker A:And so now, as we come to the end of October, 10 months into the year, I wanted to give a little update.
Speaker A:The reason I wanted to talk about this is because I've talked to a lot of people and even my private coaching clients over the course of this year.
Speaker A:Several of them have either realize that they have ADHD and have gone and got a diagnosis, or they strongly suspect that they have adhd.
Speaker A:And they have talked to me about pros and cons of getting a diagnosis, pros and cons of medication, etc.
Speaker A:I can only speak from my own experience with having a diagnosis and being medicated.
Speaker A:I don't claim to be an expert as a psychologist in this area, but I can speak from my personal experience.
Speaker A:The other thing I want to say about that is that I know that some people, some women in particular, can be really reluctant to go down that path, reticent to even consider that you might have adhd.
Speaker A:There's a lot of dismissal and denial.
Speaker A:And I can't possibly, because I do XYZ and because I managed to do these many degrees and hold these jobs.
Speaker A:And, you know, I wrote three, well, four books if you count my Audible original.
Speaker A:I wrote four books.
Speaker A:I've got four qualifications from uni, including two master's degrees.
Speaker A:I've achieved a lot of things, too, but not without a lot of really overwhelming stress, a lot of leaving things to the last minute, a lot of very haphazard, ad hoc approach to any of those projects, and just a lot of unnecessary stress, which in hindsight I didn't probably need to endure.
Speaker A:So if you are a person who feels like everybody's just getting on the bandwagon, you.
Speaker A:You feel a little embarrassed that people might think that about you if you were to get a diagnosis, if any of those thoughts are in your head, if you're feeling reluctant, can I just gently suggest that you are within your rights, you are entitled to get good health care and to give yourself the best chance of being the best version of you, the most healthy, happy, productive and efficient version of you, the most relaxed and calm version of you.
Speaker A:And if you feel like the symptoms of ADHD that you might be experiencing, which probably got a whole lot worse, if you happen to be in the age group where you're going through perimenopause that you don't have to, you don't have to put up with that, like you are allowed to see if there is a Better way to see if potentially this might be something that is impacting you, that is having a negative effect, no matter how well you've tolerated and how many systems you've put in place, like you are allowed to find out for yourself.
Speaker A:And it's a personal thing, it's a private thing, it's not for anybody else's judgment.
Speaker A:And life can be a whole lot easier potentially if you have that knowledge.
Speaker A:If the thing that is stopping you from getting a diagnosis, getting a referral or seeing your GP is that you're thinking, well, what would be the point?
Speaker A:Because I'm not really sure I want to take medication anyway.
Speaker A:So I'll just use the, the tools or the strategies that I've been using so far, then that is completely fine too.
Speaker A:But let me tell you from my experience that having the diagnosis really does make a difference to your whole perspective.
Speaker A:You will see things.
Speaker A:You will look back on your whole life and see things through a different lens.
Speaker A:Through the lens of, oh, oh, I see why I did all of those things.
Speaker A:I see why that was so hard for me.
Speaker A:I see why I behaved in those ways.
Speaker A:Oh, I thought that I was really doing well, but actually I really wasn't.
Speaker A:You just see things through a different perspective.
Speaker A:You will look back and you will have these insights and these realizations about certain periods of your life or certain experiences or, you know, when you're at uni or when you're at school or when you're in the workplace.
Speaker A:Like, you'll look back and you'll see and it will suddenly become very clear that this was ADHD the whole time.
Speaker A:And just having that insight can be just really helpful for your relationship with yourself.
Speaker A:Particularly if you've ever had a lot of negative labels attached to yourself and a lot of self critical thoughts about your own lack of discipline, your lack of organization, your inability to follow through with things, you're making big plans and then just abandoning them and everybody thinking that you're flaky and you're unfocused or not fulfilling your potential in certain areas.
Speaker A:You know, all of that lazy, disorganized, that kind of narrative, if you've been carrying that around for a long time, it can be really helpful to realize for yourself that, oh, actually I'm not any of those things.
Speaker A:I'm actually just my brain is wired really differently and I need a different way of operating and I need different systems and the world is not set up for the way you operate and the way that your brain works.
Speaker A:So that can be really Liberating.
Speaker A:And it can be really a bit of a relief, maybe, and a bit of a healing maybe for some of those old past wounds that you might be carrying.
Speaker A:But let's talk about medication, because that's what I came here to talk about.
Speaker A:So I want to tell you my experience about being on ADHD medication so that you can have some sense of what it's all about.
Speaker A:And again, every person has a different experience.
Speaker A:It's very much a trial and error.
Speaker A:See what works for you.
Speaker A:And I'm 10 months in and still working out what really works for me.
Speaker A:And different people have different diagnoses and different combinations of diagnoses.
Speaker A:Like some people have ADHD and they have autism, and some people have ADHD and they have other issues going on.
Speaker A:And so there's not a one size.
Speaker A:That's just my disclaimer.
Speaker A:I can only tell you about my experience.
Speaker A:So the first thing that I noticed when I first started taking the medication was that I was super focused, super clear, super alert.
Speaker A:So it is a stimulant medication.
Speaker A:And I would sit at my desk in the morning and I would start doing my work, and I would still be at my desk happily working to the evening.
Speaker A:Now, that hadn't happened for a really long time.
Speaker A:The reason that I went to get the diagnosis in the first place was because I was really struggling to stay sitting at my desk to the point that it felt painful to sit at my desk.
Speaker A:I would try to force myself to sit at my desk and just make a start on a project or something that I needed to do.
Speaker A:And it would be like, honestly, I can remember how it just felt like I almost had to chain myself to my chair to force myself to sit there.
Speaker A:I just wanted to get up and do anything else.
Speaker A:I could not start on projects.
Speaker A:I knew all about what I had to do.
Speaker A:I had all of the plans in my head.
Speaker A:I knew exactly what was necessary, but actually executing was impossible.
Speaker A:And the other thing that was happening was.
Speaker A:And I don't know if this was to do with perimenopause or what was going on, but I would really crash in the afternoon.
Speaker A:So I'd have these alert kind of morning hours, which would be the time that I would see clients or I would do podcast interviews.
Speaker A:And then in the afternoon after lunch, like two in the afternoon, two or three in the afternoon, I would just have this energy crash where I could barely, some days could barely even keep my eyes open.
Speaker A:And so that created all of this anxiety for me because it was like I woke up in the morning.
Speaker A:And I knew that I. I had until like 2 o' clock and then the day was over for me and it was almost like going back.
Speaker A:You know, when you have kids in school, you're trying to run a business and you're trying to work and projects and all these things you've got to do and you've got like that little window of school hours, like you've got to do the drop off and the pickup and you've got that tiny bit of time in between nine and three and I'm long past that time of my life, but that's how it felt.
Speaker A:Like I've got until two and then it's all over.
Speaker A:So it just became unbearable.
Speaker A:It became unsustainable, beyond frustrating.
Speaker A:And so.
Speaker A:So the very first thing that I noticed was this ability to just sit at my desk, know what I had to do and do it all day.
Speaker A:So when I say all day, I literally mean all day.
Speaker A:Because the other thing that medication does is that it really diminishes your appetite.
Speaker A:So I am on Lis.
Speaker A:Dexamphetamine, which is the brand name, is either Vyvanse.
Speaker A:If you are in Australia, lvanse here in the uk, I think it might be Vyvanse in the US as well.
Speaker A:Anyway, Vyvanse or lvanse, it's the same thing.
Speaker A:That medication is also used for binge eating disorder.
Speaker A:It takes away the urge to eat.
Speaker A:So I really struggled to eat.
Speaker A:And I would often, even when I felt hungry, I would go to the fridge and I'd open the fridge and there's just like, nothing's interesting to me.
Speaker A:There's like, no, nothing is of interest.
Speaker A:So I would sometimes even just force myself to like have a slice of cheese or something.
Speaker A:Like, I started buying little yogurt pots just to have something to eat, like those high protein ones, because I knew that I needed to eat.
Speaker A:So lots of energy, lots of focus.
Speaker A:The first few days insomnia, you know, I'd just be lying wide awake at night.
Speaker A:After a few days that settled down, I noticed that when I then increased the meditation, the meditation, the medication, because you do sort of taper, you go through this titration.
Speaker A:So I started on 30, went to 50 and have stayed on 50 ever since.
Speaker A:The maximum you can go to is 70, I think the lowest is 20.
Speaker A:Most people around the 30 or the 50, I find.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So when I increased the medication, I noticed the same thing about three nights of insomnia before it settled down.
Speaker A:I also noticed that if I took things like magnesium in the evening that would help me to sleep better.
Speaker A:And I've over time kind of worked out what works for me.
Speaker A:So that's a bit of a process because I started taking the medication in January and it was that it was combined with all of that New Year kind of energy like that.
Speaker A:Okay, I'm setting myself up for the year.
Speaker A:Things are going to be different.
Speaker A:I'm on the medication.
Speaker A:I spent a lot of time, I did worry at the time was this just another waste of time, like a.
Speaker A:Just another wasted hyper fixation.
Speaker A:I spent a lot of time learning how to use Notion.
Speaker A:So if you've heard of Notion, it's an online free tool.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:It's a database system where you can create whatever you want really.
Speaker A:You can create to do lists and project management and organize yourself and your life.
Speaker A:You can create a database for just about anything.
Speaker A:And I, I spent a lot of time working out how to use that so that I could create one that was tailored to me and what I needed it for.
Speaker A:With a view to just stopping myself from having a thousand different systems, endless pieces of paper with scribble all over them.
Speaker A:Because that's what my life was.
Speaker A:It was just like notebooks, just full of to do lists and, and ideas and things to remember and not just one notebook, but multiple notebooks and then transferring things from one page to the next.
Speaker A:Just a mess, just a disaster.
Speaker A:So I really focused on having this one system.
Speaker A:I can report that 10 months later.
Speaker A:I still do use Notion.
Speaker A:I don't use it as much as I, I had initially planned, but mostly because after that initial burst, I haven't really spent the time to go in and set up the databases to be effective.
Speaker A:But in terms of just tracking what I need to do each day and each week and keeping track of projects and even personal things that I need to like, just not forget.
Speaker A:Just having this one tool where I can put all of that information and access it on my phone, access it anywhere.
Speaker A:It's been really helpful for me.
Speaker A:So I spent a lot of time setting that up.
Speaker A:The lack of appetite means that I lost weight really quickly.
Speaker A:Now I wasn't mad about it because again, perimenopause, menopause is a time when a lot of us put on weight and, and it's almost impossible to shift and it doesn't matter what you do.
Speaker A:So they did say to me, you got to report your weight.
Speaker A:If you're losing too much weight, then you, we need to be, you know, careful about that.
Speaker A:But I wasn't overly worried about that in the beginning.
Speaker A:So if you don't need to lose weight or if you tend towards being underweight, then that can be a real concern for some people.
Speaker A:Like you really have to force yourself to eat.
Speaker A:I know a lot of people just from being online and seeing what other people post, that a lot of people kind of go through the whole day not eating, but then wildly hungry at seven or eight o' clock at night, which is me actually.
Speaker A:Thankfully, my husband does dinner, so he has dinner ready for me at about 7 o' clock and at that stage I'm ravenous.
Speaker A:But I sometimes haven't eaten at all until then, which I, I know is not great.
Speaker A:I'm not here to be inspirational.
Speaker A:It's not great.
Speaker A:Sometimes I can force myself to have a smoothie, like a protein shake.
Speaker A:Started having protein shakes for breakfast, which was great.
Speaker A:I just kind of have fallen out of that habit as well.
Speaker A:So it's a bit hit and miss with the food.
Speaker A:So that's something to be aware of.
Speaker A:What the medication does, it makes you alert, it gives you focus.
Speaker A:That for me otherwise was very lacking.
Speaker A:What it doesn't do is give you executive functioning.
Speaker A:And what I mean by that is you can get very focused, stay on task and really be in the zone.
Speaker A:On this medication, it can keep you from being scattered and procrastinating and you know, trying to do a thousand things at once or not doing anything at all.
Speaker A:For me, it helps me get in and do stuff.
Speaker A:It doesn't necessarily mean that what I'm doing is the most important thing or the thing that I should be doing.
Speaker A:And again, being self employed and when I have control over my own time outside of client appointments or whatever, then that can still be a problem.
Speaker A:For example, today I had a whole lot of things on my to do list and I'll probably get to them still.
Speaker A:But one of the things that I have been frustrated with recently is hosting my private podcast, my Beyond Happy podcast.
Speaker A:It's available on Apple and it's available on Spotify via substack, which means that I have to have a substack account.
Speaker A:And anyway, it drives me mad and I want a different solution.
Speaker A:So today I spent way too much time researching other platforms that potentially could I could use to host my private podcast.
Speaker A:Now my private podcast is the most teeny tiny part of my business.
Speaker A:It's, it's, it's not like the major, it's, it's not my core business.
Speaker A:It's not the main major thing that I do, and I enjoy doing it.
Speaker A:And also the system is working.
Speaker A:It might be annoying, but it, but it works.
Speaker A:So this was not something that I needed to spend hours on.
Speaker A:And yet today I did spend hours researching what platform I could use and what I, where I could move it and what would integrate with my website and what would like just a waste of time.
Speaker A:So this is what I mean.
Speaker A:Focus is one thing, but needing to still have the, the, the discipline to be able to prioritize is a work in progress.
Speaker A:I have got much better at it, but that's just the reality.
Speaker A:It's not necessarily going to make you focus on the right thing.
Speaker A:In terms of my mood, that is another thing that I noticed was a big positive difference.
Speaker A:Not that I am a person who has really suffered from mood disorders or really suffered from anxiety or anything like that, but I have, like I said before, like I was getting so frustrated and so deflated by my inability to follow through with things and the inability to get things done and just feeling really despondent almost and just feeling bad about myself because I wasn't making progress on things that I know I can do.
Speaker A:I've got the skills, I've got the ability, I've got.
Speaker A:I know what I should be doing.
Speaker A:I know how to do it.
Speaker A:It's just this lack of execution.
Speaker A:It's like walking through cement, just not able to execute.
Speaker A:Just the frustration of that.
Speaker A:And what that does to you is a sense of your own self esteem, like your sense of self worth.
Speaker A:It's not good.
Speaker A:But the medication puts me in a good mood.
Speaker A:It acts on dopamine receptors in your brain.
Speaker A:So I noticed that with the medication, like, I feel not just focused, but I feel not excited.
Speaker A:Like, it's more like, like I'm ready to go.
Speaker A:I happen to love what I do.
Speaker A:Like, I love my, my job, I love, I love the, the work that I do.
Speaker A:So there's a lot to feel good about.
Speaker A:And, and I'm full of ideas and I've always got something that I want to do.
Speaker A:So what the medication does, instead of making me feel like, oh, this is so overwhelming, I've got all these ideas and I don't know where to start and I know what I want to do, but I'm not doing it and I'm procrastinating and I'm feeling stuck and distracted.
Speaker A:Like now I'm just like, yeah, let's go.
Speaker A:Like, let's do it.
Speaker A:I feel good, I feel motivated, I feel inspired, I feel energized.
Speaker A:And that's just, it's the best.
Speaker A:Like, honestly, for me, that is the best.
Speaker A:It just gets me going.
Speaker A:And again, for me personally, because I love what I do, that's, that's easy.
Speaker A:But I didn't always have that.
Speaker A:Without the medication.
Speaker A:I also feel less overwhelmed and less anxious by like I just finished saying I'm not really an anxious person, but I would sometimes feel, and people with ADHD will relate to this.
Speaker A:It's like if there's one thing on my calendar at 4:00 in the afternoon, I'll spend the rest of the day kind of waiting for 4o', clock, for kind of anticipating 4o'.
Speaker A:Clock.
Speaker A:It's really hard to book in multiple things in a day because you kind of feeling like you kind of tense and, and everything's just about like that thing that you've got in the afternoon, which, you know, again, really unproductive.
Speaker A:Like it's really hard to.
Speaker A:You get a lot of hours that you could be using, but when you're just feeling like you're sitting waiting for that 4 o' clock thing, not, not great.
Speaker A:I noticed when I was in Australia recently, not recently, back in April, that I had a flight in the evening and I still hadn't packed and I observed that I felt really calm, like I was, I didn't feel overwhelmed.
Speaker A:I didn't feel like I was fixated on the shuttle bus coming and I fixated on all the things that I needed to do and worrying that I wouldn't get them done and at the same time, like not doing them.
Speaker A:That's the, that's the nature of adhd, being worried about all the things that you've got to get done and at the same time not doing them.
Speaker A:So I felt really calm.
Speaker A:I went to the shops at like 3 o' clock when the bus was picking us up at 6.
Speaker A:So that would never have happened in the past.
Speaker A:I just felt so much more relaxed despite having a lot of things to do.
Speaker A:And I think that is definitely because of the medication as well.
Speaker A:I didn't take the medication that whole time I was on holidays and I'll get to, to that in a second.
Speaker A:Like the not taking it.
Speaker A:But towards the end there, that last couple of days when we started to get organized to come home, I took it.
Speaker A:So I really noticed that straight away.
Speaker A:That was the day that I was packing.
Speaker A:I was like, wow, I feel really calm and just at ease, which is a big difference.
Speaker A:I think the other thing that is important to, to note is that I have talked on this podcast in the past about giving up drinking, right?
Speaker A:So I, in the past, I didn't drink for close enough to 2 years.
Speaker A:Moved to the UK, living the London pub life.
Speaker A:You know, going to the pub wasn't going to restrict myself, so I was drinking again.
Speaker A:And then it got to the point where thought, you know what?
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:It's just too much.
Speaker A:It's just all the time, all the time at the pub, all the time with the wine, all the time.
Speaker A:So I wanted to stop again.
Speaker A:So when I got really serious about wanting to get a diagnosis of adhd, I had heard that alcohol and ADHD are like a really bad combination.
Speaker A:I mean, people with ADHD are tend to be prone to addictive behaviors because it's the dopamine we're looking for, the dopamine rush, right?
Speaker A:And also just to shut up your brain, your busy mind sometimes.
Speaker A:There's a whole lot of reasons.
Speaker A:But somebody made the point that if you have adhd, if you think you have adhd, then probably the worst thing you can do is be drinking.
Speaker A:Not a great combo.
Speaker A:And so once I got really serious about wanting to get the diagnosis, I thought, well, if I'm going to do that, if I'm serious about it and I want to change my life, then I can't be drinking.
Speaker A:It feels self defeating.
Speaker A:It feels like, you know, doing one thing to try to remedy this problem while at the same time doing something that's only making it a whole lot worse.
Speaker A:So that's why I stopped drinking in December last year, at the beginning of December.
Speaker A:And I have not drunk alcohol since.
Speaker A:So I haven't drunk alcohol for 10 months, almost 11 months.
Speaker A:And the other thing was that when I did get the medication prescribed, I was told that particularly in that first three months when I was working out the dosage and going through that titration process, that I should avoid other stimulants, that I should avoid drinking coffee and energy drinks, and that I should avoid doing strenuous exercise and raising my heart rate.
Speaker A:Because what the medication does is it raises your heart rate and it raises your blood pressure.
Speaker A:So kind of avoiding the things that are likely to raise your heart rate and your blood pressure even more.
Speaker A:And not forever, but, but especially during that kind of titration process when you're settling in and working out what the right dose is for you.
Speaker A:She recommended giving up up other stimulants.
Speaker A:So I gave up coffee.
Speaker A:So I have for the past ten and a half months not drunk alcohol, and for the most part, not drunk coffee.
Speaker A:I will have coffee on the days that I don't have the medication, but I typically will not have the medication and coffee.
Speaker A:And I know that is not the case for a lot of people.
Speaker A:I know that a lot of people will joke about, you know, they're right in their zone after a vyvanse and a two lattes or something.
Speaker A:And that works for some people and that's fine, but it's not me.
Speaker A:So therefore it's possible that maybe I don't have those energy crashes in the afternoon, partly from the medication, but also partly because I don't have, I don't have coffee anymore.
Speaker A:So maybe the caffeine and the alcohol were also affecting, you know, my sleep, my energy levels, having crashes, etc.
Speaker A:So I just feel like that's a really important disclaimer.
Speaker A:This is not just about medication.
Speaker A:I also gave up caffeine and alcohol.
Speaker A:So that's obviously going to have an effect, a positive effect as well.
Speaker A:But that was the whole point.
Speaker A:It was like, if I'm going to give myself a chance to be better, then I want to give myself the best chance.
Speaker A:Okay, so on that, on the days that I don't take the medication, so very early on, I decided to take the weekends off.
Speaker A:I thought I just need this for the weekdays when I'm busy and focused on work and I'm not going to take it on the weekends.
Speaker A:When I didn't take it the first Sunday, I noticed that I felt really flat.
Speaker A:I just felt really like my husband plays golf on Sundays.
Speaker A:My daughter, she was off away or she's at work or something.
Speaker A:I was home by myself.
Speaker A:I was like, just feel a bit bored and lonely and miserable.
Speaker A:And I wouldn't normally feel like that.
Speaker A:I would normally be really happy to have the space to myself and have my own projects I'm working on, do my own things.
Speaker A:So I thought, oh, that's interesting.
Speaker A:And that happened a couple of weeks in a row where I felt kind of just down and flat.
Speaker A:And I, I wondered, is this because of not taking the medication?
Speaker A:And nobody had mentioned that to me, like nobody had warned me about that, so I wasn't aware.
Speaker A:So I decided to just keep taking it all the time, not miss days.
Speaker A:And so I did that for a few months.
Speaker A:I took the medication without a break for a few months.
Speaker A:And the way that affected me was the medication makes me really productive and really focused.
Speaker A:Remember, it's also impacting my appetite, so I'm not eating so much.
Speaker A:But to a degree it sort of still affects your Sleep.
Speaker A:So not so much.
Speaker A:Definitely.
Speaker A:I'm alert a lot later into the night than what I would have been.
Speaker A:But again, not drinking alcohol.
Speaker A:So there's that.
Speaker A:What it does.
Speaker A:I feel what it did to me.
Speaker A:And what I've heard other people say as well is that it's almost like I was pushing my body.
Speaker A:Like even when it needed rest, when my body needed rest, my, my.
Speaker A:My brain and my alertness and my focus and everything was like, go, go, go.
Speaker A:Like the stimulants were keeping me going and even when my body was tired.
Speaker A:And so I started feeling like I was on the edge of getting sick, feeling really run down.
Speaker A:And then.
Speaker A:So what I did was I took a weekend off the medication and I just slept and slept.
Speaker A:And now some people say that that is like a crash or a comedown.
Speaker A:And people talk about that like the exhaustion when you don't take the medication.
Speaker A:And I think that's all it is.
Speaker A:I feel like the medication kind of pushes you and revs you up to get done what you need to get done.
Speaker A:It gives you the.
Speaker A:And then.
Speaker A:So when you don't take it, it's like this compensatory effect.
Speaker A:And I still notice that.
Speaker A:I still notice that if I take a weekend off the medication that I will sleep a lot longer and deeper.
Speaker A:I get really irritable if I take more than a couple of days.
Speaker A:That is a side effect.
Speaker A:Again, I was not expecting.
Speaker A:I mentioned that when I would have those odd days, the Sundays that I didn't take it, I felt a little bit flat and a little bit sad.
Speaker A:I also noticed that I was really irritable with my husband sometimes.
Speaker A:Like he would come home and I would just be like mad at him about stuff and he didn't know what I was about.
Speaker A:And I felt very justified because we always do when we're really mad.
Speaker A:We always feel like we are perfectly justified.
Speaker A:But he was like, what the.
Speaker A:And over time what I've noticed is that it's when I don't take the medication, like I go through a period of being really irritable, moody, snappy, short tempered.
Speaker A:And again, it doesn't last.
Speaker A:Like if I stay off it, I go back to normal.
Speaker A:It is, it's temporary, but it does last a few days if I stay off the medication.
Speaker A:So that's just something to be aware of as well.
Speaker A:I now, you know, when I said it's been 10 months and I'm still figuring out this is the thing, right?
Speaker A:It's 10 months.
Speaker A:I've noticed all of these Things over time and had to work out what, what's going on and what's working for me.
Speaker A:I don't have a medication review until.
Speaker A:Because I had three months of titration and we, we landed on the dose and unless there's a significant issue and I need to go back for a review, I don't get reviewed again until I think it's January, it's 12 months and to see how it's going, you know.
Speaker A:So over this whole period of time, it's just been up to me to kind of figure it out.
Speaker A:I haven't been having regular ongoing appointments.
Speaker A:My GP now prescribes the medication, but the GP wasn't the one who initially, because of shared care kind of arrangement.
Speaker A:So my GP prescribes it, but my GP didn't initially prescribe it, so I can't like talk to my GP or anything like that.
Speaker A:So that's just the logistics of medication and how it gets dispensed in the UK at least.
Speaker A:I guess the only other thing is that when I talk about that hyper focus like that, locking in and focusing on work, when I've got a project that I'm working on, I will work, I will be singularly focused.
Speaker A:And anybody with ADHD knows that they have that ability to be singularly focused.
Speaker A:I mean, that's the way we get anything done.
Speaker A:We have the ability to focus, which is why most of us think we couldn't possibly have adhd because there's been all these times in our life when we've had the ability to focus on.
Speaker A:There's just certain conditions normally that give us that ability to focus or allow us to have that capacity to focus, novelty, interest, deadlines, things like that.
Speaker A:But the medication gives us the ability to get into that zone.
Speaker A:And when I say I'm locked in, if my husband isn't here to say dinner's ready or what time do you want dinner?
Speaker A:Or something, and there's been times that he's away and I'm working and I sit down at my desk at, at 8 in the morning and I mean, obviously I make cups of tea during the day and I walk my dogs in the afternoon, but it can get to 8 o' clock at night and my dogs are harassing me and I'm like, oh, yeah, just a minute, just a minute, just a minute.
Speaker A:And then I walk out of my office and realize that the whole house is pitch black because I'm the only one at home.
Speaker A:I would probably, if it wasn't for the dogs harassing me I would probably just keep on working.
Speaker A:So that needs to be managed.
Speaker A:You know, I'm not, that's not a great thing for me.
Speaker A:Being able to just switch off the set a boundary, eat, get to bed, sleep properly, like really doing all of those things, making sure that I go exercise, this is the other thing.
Speaker A:So I can, I'll sit at my desk all day and I'll feel like I want to go to the gym or I want to go to a Pilates class or I want to go to a yoga class.
Speaker A:But I cannot bring myself to get up from my desk and go and do that thing because I'm so focused.
Speaker A:I feel like I just want to keep on working.
Speaker A:I just keep on doing.
Speaker A:I just want to keep on because I'm locked in.
Speaker A:So the self care thing, the, the balance is a real issue, continues to be a real issue for me.
Speaker A:I really, I guess that's a real focus of mine going into next year.
Speaker A:Speaking of how we set ourselves up for next year, I really need to be better at scheduling breaks and getting away from my desk and making time for all of those other things, making sure that I eat, making sure that I get enough sleep and making sure that I do some exercise.
Speaker A:Get out away from my desk.
Speaker A:So that's it for me.
Speaker A:I'm going to wrap this up.
Speaker A:Like I said, it's just my experience, but so many people ask and I just wanted to have this kind of in one place that you can just jump in and you can listen or you can send this to a friend if somebody is curious.
Speaker A:Again, it's just my experience everybody's going to be different.
Speaker A:Some people, the medication wears off really quickly and they take a little top up dose in the afternoon.
Speaker A:Some people are on the maximum dose and they feel nothing.
Speaker A:Some people on the lowest dose and they're wide.
Speaker A:Everybody's body is different and everybody's got to find that balance that works for them.
Speaker A:And then some people just decide, you know what, I just don't like how this makes me feel.
Speaker A:And, and so they choose to stop taking it and they choose to do other things.
Speaker A:You know, find other ways to manage their, their attention and to motivate them to, to get things done.
Speaker A:Maybe I'll get to that point eventually.
Speaker A:For now, I really value the positive effect that I have experienced from taking medication.
Speaker A:So for now I plan to keep taking it and I, but I do plan to keep taking breaks from it.
Speaker A:At least one day a week, I will take a break from it.
Speaker A:You don't have to Take it every day.
Speaker A:That is not the case at all.
Speaker A:Some people think that once you're taking it, you can't stop.
Speaker A:You can stop any time.
Speaker A:It's not addictive.
Speaker A:So I will take a break at least one day every week, sometimes two days.
Speaker A:Certainly if I'm on holidays, I just don't take it.
Speaker A:I'm relaxed, I'm happy.
Speaker A:I might be a little irritable, but usually I'm on holiday, I'm pretty relaxed.
Speaker A:So I'm not that there's nothing to be irritable about.
Speaker A:And even on the weekends though, sometimes if I've got something that I know that I want to get done, I will take it because it also helps me to organize my house and organize the stuff that I need to to do with my cleaning out my wardrobes and getting my shopping done and doing the like.
Speaker A:All of that stuff also benefits from the medication.
Speaker A:So I play it by ear and I take it when I feel like I need or it would be beneficial for me to take it.
Speaker A:And if I think that I don't need it, then I don't.
Speaker A:And then I enjoy a lovely cup of coffee and I am happy enough to, you know, to be a bit scattered and just, just to walk around the house in circles looking for my keys because that's what I do when I don't take the medication.
Speaker A:Hope that is helpful.
Speaker A:If you have any questions, hit me up.
Speaker A:If you go to the crappy happypod.com website, there's a little microphone button and you can send me a voice note.
Speaker A:If you've got questions, please by all means go there and send me a voice note.
Speaker A:If you've got a question, if you've got a topic, if you've got feedback, if you've got anything at all, then absolutely send me a voice note or send me an email.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker A:Catch you next week.
Speaker A:Crappy to Happy is created and produced by me, Cass Dunn.
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